Guru

first_imgThis week’s guruBanging on about teamworkGuru has never been shy about banging his own drum so he was delighted to beable to take this tendency to an extreme at the recent Business in theCommunity conference. Much to the surprise of embarrassed CEOs and company big-wigs, all delegateswere presented with a small African drum at the end of the conference whichthey were then encouraged to play in an attempt to build unity. A small army offrantic PRs sealed exits and ushered delegates forward as a look of horrorspread across the faces of the assembled corporate high fliers. A group called the Drum Café led the drumming, which it claims breaks downbarriers, encourages teamwork and encourages managers to listen to colleagues.Most at the conference made a speedy exit as soon as possible, but much likeAnimal from the Muppet show, Guru was still there at the end of the nightmanically banging away alone. Coarse culture a tonic for IndiansCall centre workers in India arebeing taught all the latest gossip from Brookside, EastEnders and CoronationStreet to help them get on the same wavelength as their UK customers.Up to 100,000 Indian workers, contracted to the likes of GreatUniversal and British Airways, are being offered college ‘culture courses’ at£200 a head.Besides learning about the latest happenings on The Street andThe Square, they are taught about the British love of football, beer and fishand chips and how to adapt their accents.Guru is depressed – what a sad indictment of UK culture that itis best known for depressing soap operas, football, beer and fish and chips.Criminal tendencies awakened bycodeThis week, Guru is toying with theidea of becoming an arch-criminal. Guru’s domestic balance sheet was starting to look a littleone-sided following his unfortunate consultancy associations with Enron andWorldCom, when along comes the latest draft of the (mis) InformationCommission’s monitoring code. Having read the details, Guru feels confident that he couldpull off a multi-million pound fraud. So for you disillusioned disciples, whonow realise how small their pensions will be and have decided to leak sensitivedata to competitors, here’s how:  – Do all dodgy phone calls in the toilet, and send e-mails fromyour boss’s office – both have been designated as areas where staff can expectprivacy and employers would need evidence and police involvement to monitor;– Ensure all e-mails start with ‘Watcha Love Bundle’ or‘Dearest Snooky’, and send them to a ‘personal’ address – employers cannot open‘personal’ e-mails unless they have evidence of wrong-doing.So, while today Guru is harnessing the internet at work to playa game testing his ability to spot the difference between ladies and lady-boys,tomorrow he will use the same medium to RULE THE WORLD. CRE boss slip up is just notcricketGuru has kindly been invited to Lordsthis week to discuss sustainable growth in the energy sector – and watch aglorious England cricket victory over India, of course. Gentlemanly conduct will be top of Guru’s agenda followingGurbux Singh’s recent googly at the one-day international between the twocountries. The head of the Commission for Racial Equality was arrested forthe alleged use of threatening behaviour after stumbling into a policeofficer.   Singh was detained, before being released. Police have reviewedCCTV footage, and while they have overturned three dodgy LBW decisions, theyhave not yet brought proceedings against Singh. GuruOn 23 Jul 2002 in Personnel Today Related posts:No related photos. Previous Article Next Article Comments are closed. last_img

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